Shadow Life
by TVHollywoodDiva
Summary: On Hiatus, as of 2/26/18 Ana gets kidnapped at 16 and is abused and hurt every day and she and Christian were best friends and he holds out hope that one day he will find her again. Six years later he is in the BDSM lifestyle and finds her when he is looking for a new sub. He instead shows her what real love is and helps her rebuild her life.
1. Chapter 1

Shadow Life

Rating: Mature

Couple: Ana/Christian

Summary: Ana gets kidnapped at 16 and is abused and hurt every day and she and Christian were best friends and he holds out hope that one day he will find her again. Six years later he is in the BDSM lifestyle and finds her when he is looking for a new sub. He instead shows her what real love is and helps her rebuild her life.

Shadow Life

Chapter 1

 _It was a hot summer day in Seattle and it was winding down to the last days before school started again at Washington State. I was getting ready to head to Bumbershoot at Seattle Center with a group of friends. It was our last big hangout session before we went our separate ways._

 _As I'm about to get in my BMW M3, I notice my next-door neighbor and best friend Anastasia "Ana" Steele. She been my best friend for the last few years. I just watch her she's beautiful but off limits you see I'm 21 and she's just 16, but we're best friends. Our families have known each other for years. We met when Ana was 11 and I was 16. I have always felt this pull to her, always very protective but not in an older brother way. She has always been, in my eyes, so small and fragile that I just wanted to protect her from the world._

 _I watch her as I climb into her car. I had asked to come along but she refused saying she would feel out of place with my school friends which she didn't know well. So, if I had known then that that would have been the last time I saw her._

I wake up in a cold sweat almost every night. I have had this dream every night for the last five years. I can remember the call I had gotten from my mother that told me Ana was missing. As it turns out, the reason she didn't go with me was because she had had a date with a boy, Jose, from her school but the date had gone south and he had left Ana stranded and she had forgotten her phone.

The next thing we know Ana is nowhere to be seen the police had questioned Jose but he said the last time he'd seen her, she was headed to the bus stop on 5th and Pike to catch the 101 out of downtown. They had had an argument and Ana walked off never to be seen again.

We spent weeks looking for her but to no avail. It's like she just disappeared off the face of the earth. Finally, the police decide that Ana is a runaway and resources dwindle in the search for her, but I know in my heart of hearts Ana did not runway, I can feel it in my bones and in my soul. My family and hers used our private funds to still search for her but even with private investigators we couldn't find a trace of her. But, after six years of hope and dead ends, we are no closer to finding her.

I saw what her missing has done to her mother Carla and stepfather Ray their hearts are broken. Carla used to be this bight woman the life of the party but when Ana went missing she lost her spark and her heart. They moved to Arizona right after the police declared Ana a runway. It was too painful to be around where Ana use to be for them. Ray got angry and standoffish and close himself off from everyone. His heart is torn in two with Ana missing.

I kept in touch with them for a while but after a while, it becomes too painful for all of us. I try to keep them updated on my search for Ana for a time but with no new leads, we no longer speak.

As for me; Ana had my heart. I created a wall no woman could penetrate. I began to use sex as a tool, not for love, my love was gone.

I think back to how I began in my lifestyle it had been three months after Ana's disappearance and I was spiraling and head down a road I had no clue how to stop going down the dark abyss. That is when I ran into a friend of my mother Elena Lincoln at a business function. It was a normal day I was 21 and Ana had been gone for so long I could no longer handle the pain of my heart being ripped out of my chest. Elena saw the pain I was in and reached out to me.

Elena came up to me that day at this dinner and said she had seen the pain in my eyes and she wanted to help and said she could help me channel my pain and anguish she quickly showed her darker side. She showed me what control BDSM could provide me it helped me channel my pain.

At first, I was Elena's sub as she taught me the ropes of the lifestyle she showed me how to get pleasure out of my pain she let me see how letting someone else be the master of me helps me forget everything. I was under Elena's teaching for a year and then I went out on my own.

Although I chose women, that looked like my Ana it was never the same never her sweet voice was not her voice saying my name when "she" came. I would set up contracts with myself and my subs for 3 month periods so I would not get attached. They were there for an allotted period and nothing more. I would not get attached and neither would they.

Also, to focus my pain and heartbreak I also created Grey Enterprises Holdings a business that focuses on systems development, communication technology, and sustainable energy and is a global leader in communications technologies, eco manufacturing, and next generation farming solutions. I am also with billions and employ thousands of people but there is still a gaping hole in my heart and soul and it is in the shape of Ana.

I was ruthless in business no one messed with me I always seemed to get what I wanted and when it came to social events or business functions I would go alone no one not even my family knew of my activities in my private life.

I was headed to a private function to find a new sub I used a service the Lovely Lady which is a company that Elena runs she's been out of the lifestyle for a while I have been without a sub for a few months because business and the search for Ana has taken over my life.

I need to let loose so I was headed to the mixer at Lovely Lady it was a function for Dominates and Submissive I arrive and the party is in full swing Elena comes up to me we exchange pleasantries then I notice a woman I've never seen at these events. All I can see her is her from the back she has a slim build, skinny, chestnut colored hair she reminds so much of Ana that my heart leaps into my throat. It's like I'm seeing a ghost I've dreamed about seeing her for all these years.

Without even thinking or having control over my body or senses I feel a pull to this mystery women like our hearts are connected. I walk up and tap her on the shoulder as she turns around I am in complete shock there she is my Ana. Without a second thought, I was like this woman realized who I was and crushed herself into my hard body without thinking I embraced her holding on to her like my life depended on it.


	2. Chapter 2

Shadow Life

Chapter 2

Ana's POV

 _I was a happy child. I had everything a child could ask for: a loving but flaky mother that went from man to man, a stepfather I considered my father, and the best friend any girl could ask for in my next-door neighbor Christian Grey._

 _Granted, Christian just saw me as his next-door neighbor and best friend but you see I had a huge crush on him but I couldn't let him know because I was 16 and he was 21 so I pined and settle for friendship._

 _Christian asking me to go to Bumbershoot with he and his friends I wish I had gone but I was too scared and nervous that if I went I would make a fool of myself. So, I rejected his offer and that was the biggest mistake of my life._

 _I should have never agreed to go on the date with Jose if I had known that he was going to be the catalyst who changed my life forever. What I didn't know was that this whole "date" with Jose was a setup turns out Jose was in on it. I was being tracked by a stalker, and had been for week or even months I'm not sure._

 _I just remember getting into argument with Jose because he was trying to be forceful with advances. I was trying to rebuff and let him down gently but he just kept trying to be forceful with me and finally he let his true colors show. I saw the monster in his eyes as he let loose on me he pinned me to the building with my hands restricted couldn't move the next thing I remember is a pin prick pinch in my neck._

 _The next thing I remember, I was waking up while tied to a chair with a gag in my mouth. I tried to screaming and tried to move but my arms and legs were tied to the chair and I was blindfolded as well. All I can feel is the dampness, and could smell the staleness of the room. I remember sitting there for what felt like hours I hoped my friends and family knew something was wrong. I hoped I'd be somewhere safe soon, that somebody would find me._

 _Finally, I hear someone enter the room. they don't say a word but then I felt his hot disgusting breath on my face. His breath smelt like way over rotten cabbage and skunk. He ran his hands over my face which felt like steel-wool and knifes touching my skin. I tried to scream but with the gag I was unable too. Then he spoke and that voice will haunt me forever._

" _She is just as lovely you said, isn't she Jose?"_

" _She is Jack"_

" _So, nice to see her up close. The pictures you gave me didn't do her justice"._

 _He come behind me and runs his greasy hands through my hair I try to move my head out of his grasp but he just yanks my head back as he takes the blindfold off and I can see into his eyes. They looked black like he has no soul. Those eyes will haunt me for the rest of my life; just like Jose's when he showed his true colors before I was taken._

" _She will do nicely Jose really nicely"_

 _I see Jose nod and while this man Jack has me by my hair. Jose gets in front of me and removes the gag and rams his tongue down my throat. I wiggle and move but cannot loosen my bonds. I scream while Jose goes further in his assault of me. He grabs my shirt and tears it so I am bare and he begins to fondle my breasts with his hands._

 _Finally, Jack had had enough and barked at Jose to leave. Jose did as asked and left me alone in the room with Jack._

" _I finally will have what Christian wants. You will be mine."_

 _My mind was spinning; Christian; how did this man know him? How can he have so much hatred for him? Why take me I barely mean anything to Christian? I'm just his next-door neighbor yes. He's my best friend but that's all. If Jose and Jack think I have pull with Christian, I think they will be sadly mistaken._

 _I wonder what his anger toward Christian is all about. To my knowledge, Christian doesn't know this man._

 _Suddenly, Jack rips me from the chair and is forcing me to the ground. I am trying to kick him and push him off me but he is so heavy that he doesn't budge. The next thing I know, he's trying to undo my jeans and I am struggling but it's no use. The next thing I know I feel him rip my jeans and underwear off and I feel him spread my legs and force himself into me. This is not the way I planned to lose my virginity._

 _It was painful and when he had finished his fun, he left me on the cold dark floor and left the room without saying a word. I wish I could tell you from there I figured out a way to escape but I didn't and the pain and torture Jack and Jose inflicted only got worse._

 _Everyday for a few months, Jack and Jose would come in and have their way with me. There were times when they would just yell at me for something that Christian did or hit me because they were mad about something that I don't know._

 _Then as time went on, I think that everyone forgot that I was missing because the physical abuse lessoned but not the sexual abuse. After a few years of them doing whatever they wanted to me, I found a way to escape. I was only able to get away for a few blocks before they found me and tied me up again._

 _A few years later, they let me roam the rickety shack when they weren't there but the doors were locked from the outside. I look around and see a flyer for a weird party that was going on and thought about trying to get away to go to it. I had never been to a party since they took me 5 years ago. I started looking around trying to find a way to escape from this prison they had me in._

 _A few hours later, I found a loose board in the bathroom behind the shower and started prying away at it. I eventually got it loose and continued working with the other boards until there was a big enough space for me to escape from._

 _I slide out of the shack and head in the direction of where the party was. I stopped at a surplus store and kind of hijacked an outfit that covered all the bruising that were on my arms and some nice-looking shoes to match. I take the flyer out of the pocket of my old clothes and put it into the pocket of my new clothes and head off in the direction of the party._


	3. Chapter 3

Shadow Life

Chapter 3

Christian's POV Present Time

I'm holding Ana in my arms after six long years, she's in my arms. How? I don't know, I guess a higher power finally heard my prayers. I can't comprehend what is happening. how did Ana get here where has she been all these years? Has she always been in Seattle and if so why couldn't we find her? I just hold her not saying a word just finally holding the love of my life in my arms.

I notice she is crying silently and shaking like a leaf in my arms. As if on its coded into me, I begin to whisper in her ear.

"Shhh sweetheart you're safe. I have you now after all this time you're safe, I promise".

I finally feel Ana stop crying, but she still holds on to me as if I'm her lifeline. I see Taylor across the room I try to get his attention without causing a scene.

After a few minutes, Taylor looks over at me and I wave him over with my hand without too many people seeing me. He walks over and I whisper, "It's her. Let's quietly leave and take her back to my place so she can eat and feel safe once again."

We rush to my waiting limo, I have Ana in a cocoon in my arms trying to shield her from everything. We get in and Ana climbs in my lap like a koala and starts to cry again. It feels like a horribly long drive to Escala, but I just hold Ana tightly to me.

"Shhh, baby you're safe to relax I've got you try and sleep please just relax I'm taking you home." All Ana does is whimper and push in tighter to me. After the twenty-minute ride, we arrive at Escala and she slowly looks up at the building then buries herself again.

"I'm going to get out and lift you now ok Ana?" She just slowly nods and I slowly leave the limo with her. As we enter the elevator, I convey to Taylor with just one look to contact my mother immediately.

I take Ana to my room for privacy, I gently place her on the bed but Ana refuses to let go. I bend down and whisper in her ear "Baby I'm here with your safe it's over I'm not going anywhere I promise."

Ana starts to sob in relief but still won't let go of me. I finally sit down on the bed beside her and she moves into my lap. That's how my mother found us 30 minutes later when she arrived.

Grace's POV

To say I was shocked when Taylor had called and informed me that Ana had been found after all these years, was an understatement. I take in the scene in front of me; my son looks finally whole again, like his heart is back in his chest. Ana, on the other hand, looks like a scared and wounded wild animal.

Finally, I make my present known, "Hello Christian." Christian turns to the sound of my voice and softly replies, "Mother I'm glad you're here."

"Christian has she said anything?"

"No, but she won't let go of me."

"Okay, have you called the police or her family?"

"Not yet".

I nod and step forward so I'm in Ana's sightline. I lower myself to Ana's level "Angel, can you sit up for me?"

Ana just looks at me as if I'm not there and continues to stare off into space.

"Looks like she has been thru a lot. It will take her time to come around and talk." I softly tell Christian, while still looking at Ana. "Ana sweetie, will you sit up for me so I can make sure everything is ok?"

Without warning, Ana scrambles out of Christian lap and pulls herself into a ball against the headboard and starts to scream and shake. I'm shocked but not deterred "Ana sweetie you're okay your safe please I need to examine you don't have to talk and Christian can stay with you I promise." Christian looks at Ana heartbroken for the women they both love. Finally, I move slowly so not to scare her any further. Christian scoots up the bed so he is sitting in front of Ana and he slowly begins to reach out to her.

"Ana baby come here your safe we're not going to hurt you I promise "

Christian gets no response from her but for her screams to hit a higher pitch. Christian looks at me at a loss of what to do next to help Ana.


	4. Chapter 4

Shadow Life

Chapter 4

Author's Note: There is a descriptive flashback in this chapter of abuse and torture you have been warned. There will also be a reference to a NBC show.

TVHollwoodDiva

Ana's POV

Where am I? I am looking around a room that is not the hell I've been in the last six years the last thing I remember is getting out of that hell hole. I look around and see Christian and Grace this must be a dream this can't be real I have hoped so many times to be found but every time I do my dreams have been dashed by Jack and Jose grip on me.

I consider the eyes of the man that's been my tether to reality theses last six years. How did he find me? Where are we? I am so scared I can speak I have learned that if I speak the abuse is worse. What if this is a trick by them it wouldn't be the first time I thought they were going to let me go and it was all a setup by them.

I push myself against the headboard and climb into the fetal position the next thing I know I hear screaming and realize it's me I am so overwhelmed.

"No, please no stay away I'll be good I promise".

I close my eyes and sob. I feel a hand try and reach for me and I just scream louder.

Christian's POV

I watch as Ana goes further into herself and I feel a vast void between us. I try and reach out to her to comfort her but all she does is scream louder. My heart breaks for what she's going through I'm sure she's scared but I just want to protect her.

I turn to my mother for guidance. "What should we do? I don't want her to hurt herself."

"Christian I don't want to but we may need to sedate her then call the police so that they can track down these monsters that took her. Right now, she's scared she has no clue that we won't hurt her she doesn't know she's safe in her mind it's a trick she thinks she still trapped in the nightmare she's been in all these years."

I decide to try and reach out to her "Ana baby it's Christian your safe whoever took you won't get you again I promise" Wherever you are in your mind please come back to me I'm here and I'm not a dream or a conjuring of your imagination I promise."

I watch as she uncurls herself and looks at me with wide eyes I just smile and let her take the lead on where we go from here. She is very tentative in her movement she keeps looking at me as if I'm not here like I'm about to disappear and I don't know how to reassure her that I'm not going anywhere.

Ana's POV

I'm fighting my mind now, I want to believe that the person sitting in front of me is real and that I am truly safe but my brain is in protection mode. There were so many days that I wished Christian would save me. I think back to one of the worse days.

 _I don't know how long I've been here now the days blend into one another but I'm dirty I haven't had a shower in a while there is dried blood and welts on my wrists and ankles Jack had been particularly brutal today he tied me to a wood board and whipped me with a belt for hours until my back was torn open and raw and then he left me tied there for what felt like days with me withering in pain I tried to undo the ties but they were too tight and would just dig into my skin if I struggled. I finally tired myself out and succumb to a dreamless sleep._

 _Jack loves to torture me it feels as if I had just fallen asleep he comes banging into the room the bright light hurts my eyes and I am blinded temporarily all I feel is Jack's boot connecting with my stomach and ribs as I hear a sickening snap and blinding pain. He climbs on me undoes the restrains and kicks me again and yell at me._

" _Get up bitch"_

 _I can't move because of the pain in my lungs and ribs but he doesn't care he rips me up from the floor by my hair and I scream in agony but it does no good he drags me over to the chains in the corner of the room and beings to chain me up my writs are chained and my legs are spread and then Jack beings his assault on me for the thousands time._

 _I go to the one place that is my haven from all this torture and that is Christian he wraps his arms around me and keeps me safe his words sooth my battered soul. I just wish it was real and that I really was safe from this hell._

I come out of my memory and whimper, I see Christian looking at me and even though I still question if this is my reality now sitting in front of me. I move over to his lap and he opens his arms and lets me go into my haven. I start shaking more as I curl up on his lap hoping that this is real. I peak out from under his chin and look at the woman that is with him and whisper, "Am I safe? Is this real?"

"Yes, Ana, you're safe and in Christian's arms. May I look at you and make sure that you aren't bleeding anywhere?" Grace asks just as softly; matching my tone. I can't find my voice to respond so I just nod. "Ok Ana I'm going to explain everything I'm doing to before I do it and I promise you are in control of everything that happens I will stop at any point you just need to tell me ok?" I nod "Can Christian stay?" "I'm not going anywhere, baby"

I slowly uncurl from Christian's lap and sit cross legged on the bed Christian sits beside me not speaking but offering his support. Grace smiles "Ana remember you're in control here. Are you ready?" I nod. Then my brain reminds me what she will find I will be ruined in their eyes. "No Grace no you can't stop I'm hideous ". "Ana please I promise you'll be ok I won't hurt you sweet girl I need to make sure nothing is infected or open."

Christian POV

I could see how worked up Ana was becoming and if she when back into herself we wouldn't get any further today. So, I turn to my mother "Can you give us a moment please I think Ana just needs time." "Christian we need to make she's ok. We will you go into the kitchen and have Taylor contact Detective Benson for me? I know she probably won't speak to them but they need to be informed. "Christian her parents?" I will contact them personally after I talk to Ana." I head back to my bedroom and back to the love of my life.

When I enter the room, Ana is on the bed sobbing and looks so broken I just want to gather her in my arms and never let the world touch her again. I sit down on the bed and Ana moves back into my embrace "Ana, baby I know your scared but my mother should really look you over please for me baby I know you don't want to reveal and relive what you have been though but we need to be able to punish these monsters that hurt you, baby." Ana just looks at me so brokenly but my mother's right she needs medical attention quickly if we are to get the evidence we need. "Baby I promise you I'll be here the whole time and if we need to stop at any point we will."

Ana's POV

Christian doesn't understand that my trust in any man at the moment is gone. I need him to leave but I don't want to voice this thought because I fear this may be a dream and I will wake back up in my everyday hell. I feel as if I'm in a black sea and I can't reach the surface and that something is pulling me deeper and deeper the harder I fight to get to the surface.

If he sees what they did to me he won't ever love me and send me away and then I truly will be broken and my ties to reality will be gone forever and I will no longer exist. Even though Jack kept saying that he had taken me because of Christian I could never get a true explanation from him or Jose, he just kept saying Christian knew why. From what I knew Christian past he would have no clue who Jack is and if I tell him it might break him and he deserves me to protect him from my living hell of the last six years. So, if I can help it he will never know the full details of everything I went through.


	5. Chapter 5

Shadow Life

Chapter 5

Christian's POV

Ana is home but I know everything has changed. I know she's scared I need her to let me in so I can help her. I know she's holding back and I need to figure out a way to break down the walls to protect herself, but, how do I get thru to her? My need to protect her is in high gear I wish I could take away all her pain and what she has been thru.

She is so exhausted that she fell asleep after my mother left to the police. I sit with her in my arms and watch her she is restless and her face is not calm. I watch for a few more minutes but decide to go to my office to see if I can dig up anything on where she's been all these years. When I leave the bedroom and head into the kitchen my mother is on the phone, I look at my mother and sit beside at the island and listen hoping that we can get help for Ana.

"Yes, May I speak with Detective Oliva Benson, Please?"

"Yes, Hold on a moment."

"Hello, this is Detective Benson."

"Oliva, hi this is Grace Trevelyan-Grey."

"Hello, Grace what can I do for you?"

"Oliva I'm calling to report that Anastasia Steel has found, all we know is that she showed up at an event my son Christian was at and he brought her back to his home. She hasn't said anything of importance about where she's been or how she got away I've tried to examine but she resisted. Also, we need SVU here because I'm sure she's been abused in multiple ways."

"Grace I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thank you, Oliva."

Grace hangs up and turns to Christian "Oliva is on her way, sweetie."

"Good"

"How is she, sweetie?"

"She's asleep now. Mother, she won't talk to me I've tried but she's so scared to open up. I don't how to reassure her that she's safe I feel out of my depth here."

"Christian she will open up to you in time Just give her time, love, and comfort."

Jack's POV

Meanwhile, Jack was furious he should have never left Ana alone for any length of time, but he thought she that she was broken down enough that she would try and run, but boy was he wrong. At the first chance, she got in six years she was gone, but where would she go? From what he knew everything Ana knew in the past was gone. Her parents had moved out the area. As for "him" he again got a shot at the good life. "He" had started a multi-billion-dollar business empire. How did maggot make it out of Detroit and get a perfect life? How did he get all the breaks in life?

Jack remembers what it was like to live with Ella their lives were ok until "he" came along. their mother didn't care about him after the point where Christian was born. Jack became an afterthought he remembered the day she died he and Christian were woken up by Ella's drug dealer and pimp banging on the door. Christian was whimpering because he is the pimps favorite target. Luckily, I was too old for the pimp to care about me I opened the door slowly and the pimp barged in and slams into me and runs into Ella's room without saying anything to me. I go and check on Christian, but he is hiding under the bed like the little maggot he is.

I hear some banging and something being thrown and yelling from Ella's room then the pimp leaves her room and runs out the front door. I wait for Ella to come out of her room after the pimp's visit like she always does, but she doesn't so I go and check on her I go in and find her with a needle in her arm I am so scared that I check her pulse and it's not there, so I run out of the house not thinking about Christian. That was the last time I heard his name until the news that he had started Grey Enterprises Holding in Seattle, Washington at twenty-one, so I came to Seattle from Detroit and did my research into my dear brother's life and found out that he was found with Ella's body four days after I left him in the apartment.

While I lived on the street and in foster care, my little bastard of a brother found the good life with the Grey's, when I found out about his life I found that his best friend was right next door from where I was staying three houses from where I was renting to keep track of Christian. Ana was his weakness and it was so easy to get to her and have her all to myself all these years now she's gone and I will get my property back if it's the last thing I do. She will pay.

Ana's POV

I wake up again in Christian's bedroom and look around it's huge I wonder how everything changed so quickly for me? I truthfully don't remember how I even escaped I just remember a pure adrenaline rush and my fight or flight responds kicking in and my brain telling me to get to safety. I just truly hope safe and that my nightmare might finally be over. I look around this massive room and I can't believe I'm her when I found that flyer in that hell hole Jack me in who knew that it would lead me back into the arms of the man I love with my whole heart.

I am so grateful that whatever was all these horrible years finally led me to safety. I decided to get up and out bed and clean this grim off me although I know I will never be truly clean again. How can I be when I will never forget what happened to me?

I go into the bathroom, but avoid the mirror because I don't want to see what I look like I know my skin and body look like I'm part of the walking dead I was lucky if Jack feeds me once a week if at all. I am really surprised I survived all these years I really thought I might die so many times it's a miracle I'm alive. I promised myself if I ever got out of my situation that I would live every day to the fullest.

I decided to get in the shower as I strip down I feel the scars on my thighs from one of many Jack's torture sessions I can't even remember why these scars happened. I start the shower and try and scrub away the memories.


	6. Chapter 6

Shadow Life

Chapter 6

Author's Note: This chapter will have a graphic description of abuse, sexual abuse, and torture.

Christian's POV:

I decide to go check on Ana after the conversation with my mom. I am so worried about her but my mother's right, all I can do is wait for Ana to trust me enough to open up to me so I can finally help her heal.

As I enter my bedroom, I notice Ana is nowhere to be found. I get worried for a moment but then I hear the shower running in the bathroom. I decide to wait for Ana to finish and give her some privacy, which I'm sure she hasn't had in six years. I wait 20 minutes but I no longer hear the shower running so I decide to knock.

"Ana, Baby, are you okay?"

I get no response from the inside of the bathroom but, I hear her crying heart-wrenching sobs that break my heart into a million pieces. I knock again and still get no response.

"Ana, Baby?"

I'm getting more worried by the second. I decide to see if the door is unlocked. I try the door and as I twist the knob it gives way, which I am grateful for. Upon entering the bathroom, I see Ana at the bottom of the shower, rocking back and forth. I kneel in front of her and try to comfort her.

"Ana, baby, look at me. Please?"

She continues to rock back and forth crying. I wish there was a way I could get to her in this darkness. I feel as if it's pulling her down deeper and deeper and I can't rescue her.

Ana's POV:

I can't get him out of my mind. He won't leave me alone. He is always there, taunting me, his voice, his breath, his scent, it's all with me, the feel of his hands on my body, the taste of his breath when he would kiss me after many of our daily "sessions". I was fine until I touched my stomach and felt the many scars that are there. I looked at my legs and see the bruises and scars there as well. I can no longer deal with the memories any longer. I collapse to the shower floor and begin to sob.

I cover my ears to block out Jack's and Jose's voices. I want to be free. I really do but I don't know how not to let my demons win. I cover my ears to block out the voices and begin self-soothing by rocking back and forth. I use to do it on the worst days with that monster and in that hell hole.

It's not real anymore. I'm with Christian and Grace. I still can't believe he found me. I don't remember leaving the event but, I'm glad I was found by Christian. The next thought through my mind is how do I tell Christian everything I went through, him seeing me as a piece of trash and nothing he ever wants to be around again. As these thoughts go through my mind, I hear Christian knocking on the door but I can't get my mind to focus on the present. My mind goes to one of the worst days in that hell hole:

 _Jack was pissed for some unknown reason but, with Jack, he never needs a reason to be abusive. He really was just a monster. This day was the worst by far. He had decided to tie my hands behind my back and string me up by my neck, I am hanging by my throat as the rope is tightening my feet are barley touching the floor I am on my tiptoes trying to stay balanced so the rope won't cut off my air supply. and whip me with a flogger and belt until my skin was red, raw, ripped open and bleeding._

 _At this moment, all I want to do is beg him to let me die, but he just laughs and keeps attacking me without mercy. Then he decided to tighten the rope around my neck to the point I could barely breathe. I was choking, trying to breathe while he was laughing while, with all my might, I was trying to loosen the rope around my neck by wiggling my hands to get my wrists free so I can reach up and try and loosen the rope around my neck but the knots are so tight that it is no use. He realized that I was close to blacking out and he finally let the rope slack while I tried to get breath back into my body. He just looked at me with a smirk on his face and released me. The next thing I remember, Jack is on top of me, his fist in me and I hear and feel the tearing of my flesh. I feel blood running down my legs as he keeps tearing me open._

 _I see Jose in the corner of my little room, just standing there, doing nothing to save me. Granted, Jose's abuse of me is verbal, not physical. What I don't understand is how he can just stand there and see the pain in my eyes and just stand by and let Jack abuse me. I will never truly understand Jose's motives in helping Jack. To me it seems he's just as trapped as I am. He does nothing to get me free so he is just as much of a monster as Jack, in my eyes._

 _Jack finally stops the torture when he sees that I'm no longer struggling and crying. He likes it when I put up a fight but, lately I just do what I need to do to survive._

 _All of a sudden I feel a hand touch my face. It's Christian and I am brought out of the memory of that horrible day._

Christian's POV:

I watch as I think Ana might be reliving a memory. I place my hand on her face to bring her back to the present and back to me.

"Ana, come back to me baby. You're okay. Wherever you are now, it's in the past, in your memory, baby. Ana, I'm here, right here in front of you. You're safe with me, baby."

I can see her trying to fight the memories and demons, trying to get back to me and the present so I decide to hum a song She loves, " It's Your Love" by Tim McGraw, to see if I can break her out of her trance. I keep my eyes locked on hers so she has something loving to focus on. I can see her finally coming around and the look in her eyes is haunting me to my soul. I try and not push her any faster then she wants to go because I want her to move forward and not take steps back into the past.

"Ana, honey, come back to me, baby. I'm here I'm not leaving you, Okay?" Then I finally hear my angel's voice.

Ana's POV:

I can feel the fog from the memory lifting from my mind and, in front of me I see my savior, my Christian. I want to reach out to him but I'm scared of his reaction. So, I decide to speak, "Christian"? My voice sounds foreign to my ears and it feels weak, it feels as if I haven't spoken in years which, I guess I haven't because the best way to survive everything was not to speak or react to anything. When I realize, he may not have heard me, I try again, "Christian". I see him respond to my voice by smiling at me.

"Ana, baby, are you okay?"

I nod "yes" but truthfully, I am far from okay. I don't want to reveal what happen to me to Christian. I really don't but, when I consider his eyes, my resolve starts to crumble. I throw myself at Christian and the next thing I know, I am wrapped in his warm embrace. I look deeply into those eyes I have loved for so long, hoping that he will still love me after my horrible past is revealed.

I hold on to Christian for dear life. I don't want to let him go. I final feel safe after all these years. We sit in a comfortable silence, just loving being in each other's embrace. After a while I notice my legs are getting numb from siting for so long.

"Christian, we need to get up my legs are asleep."

With the grace of a gazelle, Christian is up in one smooth motion and he helps me off the bathroom floor. We head out into his bedroom and sit on the bed. I take a deep breath and just stare at Christian for a moment. I start to hyperventilate about what I am about to reveal to him.

Christian's POV:

I help Ana stand and we make our way into the bedroom where we sit silently on the bed. She looks in my eyes and I try and convey my love for her through the look we share. I can see, through her body language that she is desperately scared of letting her secrets out. I, again, don't push her, but I watch her start to hyperventilate, so I take her face in my hands and try to calm her down.

"Ana, baby, focus on me. It's going to be ok. We'll go as fast or as slow as you want. You don't need to tell me everything at once, but I want you know, whatever you tell me, it won't change how I feel about you."

"Christian, I'm scared. What I'm going to tell you is not pretty. I barely survived most days because I was in so much agony. I never got a moment to recover from one session of torture before it felt like another would begin."

What Ana is describing is heartbreaking. It just makes me wish that I was able to find her sooner but, I just have to remember that, by the grace of some higher power that was protecting her all these years, she was able to get free and that higher power led her to safety and back home to me.


	7. Chapter 7

Shadow Life

Chapter 7

 **A/N: This chapter will have a very description of abuse, sexual abuse, and other violence. You have been warned.**

Ana's POV

I take a deep breath and get ready to spill the truth to Christian when there is a knock on the bedroom door. Christian answers the door and his mother is standing there with a sad smile on her face. I notice she has a woman beside her. She looked nice enough short brown hair, kind eyes, and a slight smile on her face. As I make my assessment of her, I notice the police badge on her belt and my eyes go wide. I step behind Christian to hide. He wraps his arms around me in comfort and smiles down at me.

Then he turns to his mother and the other woman; "Can you give us a moment? We'll be right out." They both nod without saying a word and Grace shuts the door and Christian turns to me.

I finally find my voice. "Christian, who was that women, I know she's a police officer but why is she here?"

Christian sits with me still in his embrace on the bed. "Ana, baby she's here to help. Her name is Olivia Benson. She's an SVU officer and a friend of my mother's that helps out in cases of sexual assault and other things that come thru the hospital that are SVU related."

"But why is she here?" I looked at Christian like a scared wild animal and I was about to make a run for it when Christian lightly took my face in his hands.

"Ana, Sweetheart I know you have been through a lot but she's here to make sure the monster that hurt you will be punished and you will finally get justice."

I look at Christian shocked. He wants me to tell a stranger, in detail, what I went thru day in and day out. "Christian, if I talk he will find me, I know it."

"Ana, baby I promise he will never come near you again. There is no way he will if you give Olivia the information she needs to track him down."

"Christian, I need you to promise me that when everything is out in the open I will still be able to look at you and not see pity in your eyes for me. Please promise me because after everything over the last six years thinking about you was the only way I survived most days and if I lost you there would be no brightness in my life and there would be nothing left for me to live for."

"Ana, baby I need you to know whatever happens you will never lose me I will be with you every step of the way wherever we go from here."

"Will you stay the whole time I tell Oliva everything?"

"Of course, baby."

I take a deep breath and hug Christian to me before heading for the bedroom door to face my past. But before I open the door, Christian grabs my hand and squeezes it before we walk into the kitchen.

I give Grace and Oliva a small scared smile. Then I head for Grace and grab her hands in mine and softly whisper to her. "Will you stay in the room while I tell everything. I think I only have the strength and will to go over it once."

"I understand sweetheart, of course, I'll stay."

I give Grace a hug and then head back to the safety that is Christian. He gives me a look that conveys so much love that I know that with him by my side I have the strength to reveal the horrors that were done to me over the last six years. As if I'm on autopilot I lead Christian over to the sofa in the great room and Grace and Olivia behind us. I squeeze Christian's hand in a death grip to give me the strength to do this I turn and look at Olivia and Grace.

But before I can speak, Oliva does; "Ana, we are in no rush here. You can take as long as you need to tell us what you went thru and we take breaks if you need to ok? Is it ok if I record this for the official record?"

In a small voice, I reply "Yes, of Course "and Olivia gets a tape recorder out of her bag. I nod at her grateful she is a calming presence and is willing to let me do this at my own pace.

I must think about how to start because there is so much to tell Where do I start? I decide to just let the story flow out of me like a river. I still wonder how I got myself in this situation.

 _I remember the day like it was any other day it was early September it was the first day of Bumbershoot a huge musical festival weekend at Seattle Center. Christian had asked me to join him and his friends and I had decided to go to the movies with my friend Jose Rodriguez so I said goodbye to Christian for the day and headed to the theater to meet Jose. We headed into the theater and saw a movie I don't even remember what we saw. Everything was fine during the movie Jose was acting normal but as we leave the theater he starts to get angry with me._

 _"Ana, I have something to talk to you about. I have liked you for a while now."_

 _"Jose, I like you to as a friend."_

 _"No Ana, I mean I really like you as in I want to date and be boyfriend and girlfriend relationship kind of way."_

 _I look at him for a moment shocked. Too shocked to respond to his confession. "But Jose, I don't have feelings like that for you. I'm sorry."_

 _"It's about Christian again. Ana, he doesn't know that you exist or have feelings for you. He's in college. He is dating college girls. You're just his next-door neighbor when he's home from college for the summer. He'll never want you that way. All the while, I'm here and I want our relationship to be more. Please give us a chance. I promise I can make you happy."_

 _The next thing I know, I'm trying to walk away from Jose. When I get up to leave, he pins me against the building. I struggle to get free but he is so much stronger than I am. Then I see him pull something from his coat pocket and the next thing I remember is a feeling of being pricked in my neck and then I blacked out._

 _I wake up in the trunk of Jose car but it's pitch black and I can feel the bumps in the road as we keep driving. I try and move my arms and legs but find them tied. I try and scream but nothing comes out because of the gage that Jose put in my mouth. I don't know where we are when we finally stop moving, but I hear Jose's boots crunch the gravel as he comes around to the trunk. He opens it and sees that I am awake and struggling to loosen my bonds but it is no use they are too tight. So, Jose uses whatever he used to knock me out at the theater again. When I wake up again, I am tied to a chair by my wrists and ankles. I again struggle to get free but I can't. I do notice the gage is gone and I am alone so I scream hoping someone outside will answer my screams._

 _Suddenly, the door opens and in walks a man I have never seen before, but he looks a little familiar to me but I can't place where I have seen him before. He looks at me with this menacing smile on his face he looks at me with such evil in his eyes that it makes me shiver in fear._

 _"Well hello, Anastasia. We finally met."_

 _"Who are you? Why am I here?"_

 _"Well, you're here because you're the key to someone I want to destroy."_

 _I keep studying him trying to think where I have seen him before then it clicks in my mind he is the little boy in the picture that Christian has in his bedroom I always wondered who the women and the older child were beside a young Christian in the photograph but when I would it up to him he would refuse to talk about it and say it was in the past. "Who are you? I don't know what you want from me just let me go and I won't tell anyone about this."_

 _"I want him to pay. He got the perfect life with a perfect family after she died while I could barely survive on the streets and in foster care. Christian got the loving family. I want my little brother to pay. I have been watching you and him for a while now and you're the key to getting what's mine. Christian doesn't deserve a happy carefree life. He should be as broke as I am after living with that woman Ella; if you can even call that crack whore our mother."'_

 _I try and process Christian's brother's crazy rant. He's Christian's brother. He is the older boy in the photograph in Christian's room. I decide and get this man to open up to me I need his name so I can tell the police when they find me. I mean I have people that love and care about me. They will realize something happened to me and call the police. Hopefully, I will be found quickly and I can forget this whole thing ever happened. "Who are you? Christian has never mentioned having an older brother and I've known Christian since he was adopted by the Grey's."_

 _"Yeah, it doesn't surprise me he doesn't remember me. I try hard not to remember the past myself. But the little maggot was only four when the crack whore died and she never called us by our given names I was a shithead and he was a maggot."_

 _I start trying to figure out what was going on but before I get too far. He walks over and forcibly kisses me before he starts slapping me across the face as he yells things at me. "You deserve to be treated like a piece of trash that you are." Then he proceeds to rip my shirt and bra off my body. He then reaches out and roughly grabs my breasts and starts twisting them hard enough to leave bruises and red marks all over them. Then he steps behind me and drags the chair over to the bed and unties one hand at a time but ties them to the bed as he takes my clothes off me. Once I'm tied to the bed, I'm totally naked; even though I tried breaking free and keeping my clothes on. Then he gets naked and climbs on top of me and roughly thrusts into me and starts raping me as he takes my virginity at the same time._

 _I never knew when he would show up or what mood he would be in but I knew that my body would be sore and used. He didn't start with the bleeding right away but after what felt like a few days he started whipping me until I was bleeding from several places that weren't supposed to bleed._

 _A few years later, I started throwing up and stopped bleeding my monthly. Jose brought something and made me piss in a cup so he could figure out what was happening with me. Jose turned and looked at Jack and starts shaking his head. "She's pregnant and doesn't know who's it is since we both have been nailing her."_

 _Jack turns and looks at me with a murderous glare and starts throwing things and yelling at me. "You stupid bitch. You did this on purpose. You're trying to trap me with a bastard child." He stops throwing things and starts hitting me until I black out. When I come to, my body is completely covered with welts and cuts. All I see is blood everywhere. I look down and see that he didn't touch my stomach where the child is resting and I start crying hard knowing that I'll never be rid of them even if I managed to get free with the baby. But I know that it's not the child's fault and that I shouldn't blame it. I decide that if I manage to get away while pregnant that I'll keep it and make those bastards pay for everything for the child no matter what it needs._

 _The beatings start getting worse as my body starts getting bigger and rounder with the child growing inside me. Then one day, I wake up from another terrible beating to find that I'm bleeding a lot from my pussy and I start screaming as I realize that Jack did as he promised and made it to where I think that I am no longer carrying a child._

 _They keep me locked in a room that barely shows any light from the sun and to where I can't seem to find an escape route. I start looking around the room as far as I can when I'm not bleeding from the whippings and beatings to see if I can find a way to start making an opening to where I can escape from. One day, I noticed that they forgot to lock the door and I slowly made my way out of the room only to find that the rest of the house is as dingy as the little room that I am in._

 _I keep looking for a way to escape for what feels like many years but has only been a few days. Then one day I notice the flyer on the table and decide that this was my best chance to get out._

I finish telling my whole story and am wiped out from reliving it all but I feel Christian's arms wrap around me and I know whatever happens next I'm safe with him and home.


	8. Chapter 8

Shadow Life

Chapter 8

Christian's POV:

I listen to the pain and torture my sweet Ana has been through, and it makes me sick. All I can think is how this is all my fault, how none of this would have happened if there was no connection between Ana and I. The one other thought that keeps going through my mind is Jack Hyde. How could I not remember having a brother? Yes, that time of my life was and is traumatizing, but how could I forget I had a brother? How could my mind block out such an important piece of information to my life?

I feel Ana shaking in my arms, and I am brought back to the present, back to Ana. I hug her and whisper in her ear.

"Baby, let's go to my room so you can rest okay."

I feel Ana nod against my chest. I turn to Detective Benson and point to my bedroom to indicate where we'll be. I see her nod and grab her things and get ready to leave, but before she does, she turns to me.

"Mr. Grey, if I need any more information from Ana, I'll be in touch."

I nod and take Ana's hand and we head to my bedroom. I slowly lead Ana to sit on the bench at the end of the bed while I pull back the covers so that she can rest. I can see what reliving the past has done to her, and all I want to do is protect her and find the lowlife scum that hurt my angel. After the bed is turned back, I lead Ana to the bed and help her get in.

"Angel, I'll be right back. Ok? I need to speak to my mother. You close your eyes and try and rest, please."

I feel Ana take my hand in a death grip, and I see tears in her eyes, and that breaks my heart into a million pieces.

"Baby, I promise I'll be right back.

I see Ana slowly nod and release my hand. I kiss her on the forehead and leave the room.

As I enter the kitchen, I see Gail and my mother cooking something that that smells heavenly. I watch for a moment as my mother is comfortable in my kitchen. I realize my mother has always been there even when I never realized it before, when I was pushing people away because of my chosen lifestyle in the past. It was easier to be alone. She finally looks up and notices me.

"Oh, Christian, how's Ana, darling?"

"She's asleep. Today took a lot out of her."

"I bet."

"Mother, I am so lost about how to process all this information. Did you and Dad know I had a brother, before you adopted me?

"Christian, if we had known, we would have taken him in as well. The way you grew up, no child should live like that.

"As you know, I try and forget that time of my life."

"I know, my darling boy. I wish you never had to live like that, I truly do."

"I have flashes of back then but mostly in my nightmares, Mother."

"Oh, my sweet boy."

"I sort of remember an older boy, but he was never referred to as in relation to me."

"Christian, in regard to what Ana said, were you really referred to as maggot?"

"Yes, I didn't have a name until you and Dad gave me my name."

"Oh, my sweet boy, I'm so glad you're my son. Now, I don't want to think about if I had never seen you at the hospital that night."

"I thank God every day that you found me that night. I really do."

"What are you going to do about what you learned today?"

"Truthfully, I want to track down Jack Hyde and Jose Rodriguez and hurt them both for hurting Ana. But, then I feel guilty because it was because of me that Ana became a target and endured all this pain the last six years."

"Christian, none of this is your fault. The blame rests with those men that kidnapped Ana."

"I know those monsters are responsible, Mother. I just wish I could have saved Ana sooner."

"Christian, what matters now is that you did find her, and brought her to somewhere safe, back to people that care about her, and that will help her heal."

"I just hope I can be the support she needs."

"Oh, my darling, of course you can. Have you thought anymore about contacting Ray and Carla?"

"I plan to, but I need to get Ana settled first."

"I understand"

"I don't want to overwhelm her too fast yet."

Grace looks down at her wrist, at her watch.

"Oh, it's getting late. I better go. Call me if you need anything day or night, and you'll do just fine with Ana. Christian, just be there for her and you will help her heal, you'll see."

"Thank you, Mom."

I kiss my mother on the cheek and walk her back to the elevator and say goodbye.

I pace my kitchen, trying to come up with a plan to go after Jack and Jose, when I hear a scream that makes my blood run cold in my veins. I run to my bedroom. As I open the door, what I see breaks my heart. Ana has the sheets wrapped around her tightly. She is screaming, and telling someone to stop and let her die. Without thinking, I move forward and untangle the covers from her and try to wake her up.

"Ana, baby, wake up. You're safe. Those monsters are in your dreams. You're safe, baby. Please wakeup, let me see those beautiful blue eyes."

Ana is still struggling to come back to consciousness.

"Baby, listen to my voice, you're safe, I promise. "

I try to pull her into my arms, but Ana pushes me away roughly, with such force I nearly fall off the bed, but I catch myself and just sit by Ana, hoping I will be able to wake her up somehow. I decide to try and wake her up slowly.

"Baby, come back to me. Open your eyes."

I can see her start to come around slowly.

"That's right, baby, come back to me. I promise I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I promise you're safe with me."

Finally, Ana opens her eyes, and all I can see in them is fear and sadness. When Ana finally realizes that she is no longer in that horrible nightmare, she latches on to me for dear life, and I hold her just as tightly.

"Ana, sweetheart, you're safe. You're with me. I will not let anything bad happen to you ever again. I promise you, I will protect you until my last breath leaves my body."

Ana just sobs into my chest, and I gently lay us down on the bed.

"Shhh, baby, calm down. I have you. Relax and let the nightmare leave your mind. Try and go back to sleep. I've got you. I'll stay all night, baby, just try and sleep. I'll do my best to chase the monsters away."

I finally feel Ana relax and drift into a fitful sleep. I follow not too long after, keeping guard over my angel to keep her nightmares at bay.

The next morning, I wake up when the sun hits me in the eyes because I forgot to bring down the shades last night. I see that Ana is still asleep, so I untangle myself from her and the bed, get up, softly shut the bedroom door, and head to my home office to start tracking down those monsters that hurt my Ana. Truthfully, I don't trust the police not to fuck up this investigation. I mean they couldn't find Ana in the six years she was missing. I want those monsters off the street as soon as possible. I will use all my resources at my disposal to track them down and extract my revenge for hurting the woman I love with all my heart.


	9. Chapter 9

Shadow Life

Chapter 9

Christian's POV:

I am drowning in research trying to track down the monster that is Jack Hyde. How I can be related to such a monster scares me to death. I consider myself a monster because of my past, but Jack is truly a monster torturing an innocent young girl because he wanted revenge on a brother that went through just as much pain as he did at an early age.

I mean I was the pimp's ashtray for God sake, and I have the scars to prove it still on my chest and back as a constant reminder. I was the one that would get kicked, punched, and burned by the bastard. Jack was always too big for the pimp to push around. He could fight back and the pimp wanted someone that was defenseless, and at four years old I was an easy target. Plus, I was left with our mother's dead body for four days without Jack around because he was out on the streets doing God knows what, and he never came back. Four days later I was found with our mother's dead body by the pimp.

I come out of my daze or flashback finding my mind a jumbled mess. I haven't thought about that time of my life in forever, but I guess finding out my brother was the cause of all Ana's and my pain the last six years brought everything back to the surface of my mind. I push away from my computer keyboard in frustration because I can't find anything on Jack Hyde or Jose Rodriguez. It's like in the last six years they never existed, or fell off the radar somehow. But, I am not giving up. I think to make any headway I am going to need Ana to give me more in-depth information.

I hate that I must get Ana to talk about the past and that time again, but I need to find these monsters for her piece of mind, and mine. But I'm not going to bombard her with telling me everything all at once. That would just cause her to shut down and that wouldn't get us anywhere. I'm sure there is a lot more darkness in her ordeal then she even divulged to the police. But, before I ask Ana for more information, I want to go down every avenue possible. My next best bet is Taylor because he can consider things discreetly. With the decision to get Taylor to track down these scums, I push away from my desk and head to the kitchen.

I see Gail at the kitchen island cutting up some fruit for dinner tonight.

"Mr. Grey, what can I get you this morning for breakfast?"

"A Denver omelet, please Gail."

"Coming right up and for your guest?"

"Oh, Gail, I'm sorry. I forgot to fill you in about Ana, didn't I? I'm sure you know from Taylor, and my gruffness and walls that have been up over the last six years, that part of me has been missing. Taylor and I found Ana the night before last at an event I was at.

Ana was kidnapped six years ago, and the police just thought she was a runaway and didn't really investigate. Her mom and dad gave up hope after so many years with no new leads and no additional information on her whereabouts, but I never did. Ana has always been the missing part of me and, now that I found her, I am going to help her heal and, in time, confess my love to her, and never let her go."

"Oh, God, sir, I knew there was a reason you were so gruff and standoffish and had a wall up around you. I figured there was a reason you partook in the lifestyle you did and kept everyone, including your family, at arm's length. I'm glad you could find Ana and that you feel whole again. What can I do to make Ana's stay here more comfortable and make her feel safe and at home here?"

"Gail, all I can suggest is be patient and don't push her too much. Right now, she is only talking to me, but just barely."

"What about her diet?"

"She is barely eating. My guess is that she was starved most of the time she was held captive. So, I would like to get her to start eating again by starting with bland foods like oatmeal because, I know from experience that may be all her stomach can handle right now. I don't want to give her too rich of foods right away or she will be sick to her stomach and just throw it back up, which would not be good."

"I'll get started on the oatmeal right away, Mr. Grey."

"I'm going to wake her up. I'll be back soon."

"Breakfast will be set out when you return."

"Thank you, Gail."

I leave Gail to prepare breakfast and head to my bedroom. As I enter the bedroom, I see Ana finally sleeping peacefully, for once. I hate to wake her up, but with everything that went on yesterday with the police, she barely ate. So, I go over to the bed, slowly sit beside her, and gently rub her back to wake her up slowly so not to startle her. She is still leery of being here.

"Ana, baby, can you wake up for me?"

I continue to rub her back, hoping I can get her to wake up.

"Come on, Ana, breakfast is ready."

Finally, I see Ana open her eyes and smile.

"Morning, baby, did you sleep well?"

Ana nods and smiles at me, but the smile doesn't reach her eyes. I can tell she is still scared that this is all a dream, and she'll wake up and realize that she's back in that small hell hole of a shack. Ana slowly stretches and sits up and I hold out my hand for her to take. She does and I help her up and we leave the bedroom without saying a word. As we enter the kitchen Gail has breakfast on the breakfast bar.

"Thank you, Gail."

She gives us a small smile, and leaves the kitchen to give us privacy.

"Angel, are you ready to eat? I have oatmeal for you this morning, I hope that's okay?"

I help Ana sit on a bar stool and kiss her temple. I see her look at her food and her eyes fill with tears. She roughly pushes it away, then she gets up from her seat, and pushes the stool away from the breakfast bar. The next thing I know, Ana is sitting on the floor, pushing herself against the wall, and holding her knees to her chest, rocking. I watch Ana crumble right in front and I am at a loss about what to do for her. I decide to get down to her level and try to bring her back to the present

"Ana, what's wrong sweetheart?"

She just keeps holding on to her knees and rocking back and forth. I wish I knew what triggered this reaction, but I am at a loss.

"Sweetheart, I need you to tell me what's wrong? I promise I will do whatever I can to fix it."

Ana finally looks up and meets my eyes, and what I see in her eyes is so much pain it breaks my heart.

"Ana, what's wrong? Talk to me, baby."

She looks at me so sadly that all I want to do is gather her in my arms and protect her from the world. We spend what feels like an eternity just looking at each other. Then she starts talking, but she's talking so softly that I can barely hear her.

"I just can't eat that. I just can't."

"Why, sweetheart? It's just oatmeal. I didn't want to give you anything any heavier this morning because your stomach might not be able to handle it right now. Please just eat it for me, baby, you need to eat."

"I won't eat that."

"Why, baby, please tell me why?"

"I can't. You'll think I'm crazy."

"Baby, anything you want to tell me, I promise I won't think you're crazy. I just want to help you."

"When Jack was gone, which was rarely, doing God knows what, Jose would give me food to eat which, most of the time, all he brought me was oatmeal."

"Okay, baby, no more oatmeal, I promise."

Ana blinks and smiles and slowly gets up and sits back at the breakfast bar.

"How about some fruit salad? Miss. Jones, my cook and housekeeper, made some for dinner tonight. Would that be okay baby?"

"Yes."

So, I prepare Ana's breakfast and place it in front of her with a smile.

"There you go, baby."

I dig in to my omelet and finally feel at peace for the first time in so many years. I finally have the woman I love with all my heart, home with me, not that Ana has any clue how I feel about her. I finish my breakfast and as I do, I notice Ana has eaten very little.

"Ana, what's wrong?"

She looks up at me and comes out of her daze.

"Oh, sorry. Did you say something to me?"

"Baby, you need to eat, please. Come on, it's not that much. Please, just try for me. I won't force you to eat more than you can, I promise."

Ana nibbles a little more but still won't take a full bite. Then it finally clicks in my mind, she is eating so slowly because she's not sure when her next meal will be after so many years, and that breaks my heart, it really does.

"Ana, baby, I promise you, you'll always have food from now on. You don't need to worry when you'll get your next meal, or when you'll have food, ever again. I promise you."

I see the pain in Ana's eyes lessen and relief set in, and that makes my heart a little less heavy. I just must keep reassuring her that she is safe and free, and keep building her trust in me.


	10. Chapter 10

Shadow Life

Chapter 10

Christian's POV:

Over the last three nights, I have woken up to Ana's screaming and sobbing. I initially thought about giving Ana space to deal with what her mind was dealing with, but after tonight, I realize that leaving Ana to deal with her demons on her own was not going to work, and truthfully, it rips my heart nearly out of my chest. When I hear another heart-breaking scream, I rush out of my bedroom to Ana's room. When I chose Ana's room, I chose the one that connected to mine through an interconnecting doorway so I could get to Ana anytime, day or night.

As I open the door that connects our rooms, what I see and hear will stay imprinted on my mind for as long as I live. She is thrashing around the bed and screaming in agony, trying to claw at her throat to remove something that is not there. I walk over to the bed and I try to remove her hands from around her neck, but she twists away from me and lets out a blood curdling scream. As I try to roll her body back towards me, she curls into a fetal position so I can't touch her. I know she can't go on like this. I need to get her out of this horrible state. I try with all my strength to pull her out of the fetal position.

All I can think is, how am I going to help her? I know what kind of vicious cycle she is in. Where your mind is controlling what you see in your nightmare and, even though the events in your nightmare are long over, you feel as if it's happening to you at this very moment. My heart breaks for her because I deal with some of the same demons in my nightmares as well.

When I have my nightmares, I am brought back to everything that happened with the pimp and crack-whore. I can still feel the burning pain of the cigarette burning my flesh, and when he would punch and slap me and push me up against the wall, and when he would punch me hard enough to give me black eyes and bruises that would not fade because he would just add more the next time he was pissed off for no reason. I get brought out of my memory when I hear Ana sob. Finally, she is out of the fetal position but she is still scratching at her neck. So, I reach out and grasp her hands in mine to pull them away from her throat so she can not hurt herself any further. Finally, Ana relaxes so I can pull her toward me and into my arms, and I hug her to me.

"Baby, please wakeup. I'm here. I'll protect you, I promise, baby. What you're seeing right now isn't happening, I promise."

I finally feel Ana relax and shift in my arms and open her eyes, and look at me with such a haunting look in her eyes. Without saying a word, she pushes out of my arms and rushes into the bathroom and I hear her retching into the toilet what little she ate last night. I rush in right behind and watch her kneeling in front of the toilet, dry heaving. I come up behind and rub her back to calm her down but, as I do I feel her flinch away from my touch. I see her turn to me with tears running down her cheeks. I reach up and grab a washcloth off the counter and wet it and wring it out and bend down to her level and gently wipe away her tears and the vomit off her face. Then I kiss her forehead and run my hand down her cheek in reassurance. I can see my touch is having the intended effect, it is calming her down. I can see whatever her nightmare was about has her shaken up very badly, and she is very pale and is shaking all over. So, without a word I bend down and pick her up in my arms, with a sad smile on my face, carry her back to bed.

I softly lay her down on the bed and put her under the cover. She is still holding on to me as I give her a soft smile, hoping to convey that I'm not going anywhere, but when she won't let go, I decide to speak my reassurances to her.

"Ana, Baby, I'm not leaving you. I just want to get in the other side of the bed. Okay?"

Ana replies so softly I barely hear her. "Okay. Please don't leave me."

"I'm not, Angel, I promise."

I get in the other side of the bed and pull her towards me, and I can feel her still shaking. I pull her flush to my body and whisper in her ear. "Shhh, Baby, calm down. It was a nightmare. I've got you. It's over, you're safe."

I feel her trying to get as close to me as humanly possible. I have no problem letting her use my strength to deal with her pain, all I want to do is be the person she can rely on for everything. I just watch as she lays in my arms a few moments. I wish I could take all her pain away, but I know I can't. I know at some point I will have to give Ana a push to start opening up and dealing with everything, and get her on the right track to heal mentally and psychically.

I hear Ana's breathing even out and I'm glad she feels safe enough to some much needed sleep while she is in my arms. I just hope I'm doing the right thing for Ana because I feel out of my depth here. I want to help her, not set back her healing and recovery. I wonder if maybe I should consult Dr. Flynn about the best way to help support Ana. I know our backgrounds are somewhat similar. My abuse had a stopping point, while hers went on for much longer and was more severe. But I'll worry about that in the morning because, tonight I just want to hold Ana in my arms and chase away her demons.


	11. Chapter 11

Shadow Life

Chapter 11

Christian's POV 7:00 am Christian's Study at Escala

When we wake up later in the morning my arms are still wrapped around Ana. I realize I could really get use to waking up like this every morning. Then I realize I'm getting ahead of myself. I need to calm down and think logically, not with my "other brain", which is at attention up against Ana backside this morning. I know we are a long way off from me ever sleeping with Ana in that way, if ever. She may never want to be with me in that way, and if that's the case, I will have to learn to live with that choice, but I must remind myself we are not even to that step in our relationship yet. We still need to build trust with each other before we can move on to a loving relationship. But, with all my heart I hope one she will tell me that she loves me just as much as I love her, one day soon.

I look down at Ana in my arms, wishing she could always look this peaceful. I gently kiss her cheek and untangle myself from her grasp and get out of bed. I decide I need to call Dr. Flynn and talk to someone that can help me navigate my Ana situation, to give me a unique perspective and guidance. I sit at my desk and wake up my computer, trying to get the courage up to speak with Flynn because, once I tell him everything about my brother's roll in Ana's kidnapping, there is no going back. He will want to dig into the topic full force. As I am opening my e-mail, I notice an urgent e-mail from my second in command, my Chief Operation Officer, Roz Bailey. As I open and read through the e-mail further, my heart sinks. There is a problem with our East Asia deal. It has hit a snag and the deal is about to go south. She is strongly suggesting that I head to Asia to salvage this deal we have worked so hard on.

As I finish reading Roz's e-mail, torn because this deal means a lot to GEH and I would hate to lose it after so much challenging work has gone into it, but my heart tells me to stay with Ana, that she could not handle being separated from me right now, at this moment. And right now, at this moment, I don't really want to leave her either. But I need to think about my response, so I decide to put that aside for now and call John. The phone rings and he picks up on the second ring.

"Dr. Flynn"

"John, it's Christian Grey."

"Christian, what can I help you with?"

"Well, something miraculous has happened lately."

"Christian, what happened?"

"As you know, I have been looking for my Anastasia for many years now."

"Yes, of course, I remember many of our sessions talking about her kidnapping with you. Has some additional information come to light?"

"You won't believe what I'm about to tell you."

"Christian, what's going on?"

"I don't really believe it myself. I really don't."

"Christian, focus please."

"Sorry, John, I'm still trying to process everything that has happened recently in such a short amount of time."

"Care to fill me in? You're talking in circles, Christian."

"John, I found her! I found my Anastasia."

"Christian, slow down and say that again for me."

Christian lets out a frustrated sigh.

"John, I found her, I found Anastasia."

"Christian, how did you find her? Where? And When?

"I was at one of Elena's party's looking for a new submissive when I found her there."

"Christian, I'm confused. Anastasia was there at Elena's party, looking for a dominant? I thought you said she was kidnapped. How did she end up with Elena? Did Elena have her this whole time?"

"She escaped where she was being held somehow and stumbled into Elena's party. She looked so dirty and scared, and when I realized it was her, I could not believe what I was seeing. It was like my heart knew it was her. It was like I was being pulled to her by an unknown force and that my heart was whole once again."

"So, if she wasn't a submissive of Elena's, who had her all this time?"

"My older half-brother, Jack Hyde, and an acquaintance and supposed friend of Ana's, Jose Rodriguez."

"Wait a minute, back up! What do you mean your brother had Anastasia?"

"John, I really don't understand it myself, but from what Ana told the police, he was watching us for a long time before he took her, and he took her to get revenge on me, for what I don't know. His reasoning made no sense to me, I guess just because I got a loving family and he didn't, and I'm successful and he's not."

"Christian, revenge on you for what? You were a child and couldn't control either of your circumstances that you grew up in. Christian in all the time I have been treating you, we have never covered that you had an older half-brother."

"John, truthfully, I guess I just blocked the fact that there was another child with me there, in Detroit. You know how much I hate remembering my past, the trauma that I suffered at the hands of the pimp, and what he put me though."

"I know, Christian, but blocking out you had a sibling is a huge thing."

"John, I did not call you for a phone therapy session. I'm working on a plan to take care of my dear brother Jack and Jose Rodriguez in my own way."

"Christian, I don't want to know what you're going to do because of the legal implications it could mean for both of us."

"Trust me it's nothing, it's nothing illegal, plus Taylor will take care of it once I come up with a plan."

"Okay, if you say so. So, if you didn't need to talk about finding Anastasia and your older half bother, why the early morning phone call?"

"I am worried about Ana, I really am. Over the last week, since I found her and brought with me to Escala, she won't open up and talk about anything. When she talked to the police it was so horrible to hear what my sadistic brother did to her on a daily basis. I'm sure what she endured every day was horrific. I understand why she does not want to talk about it, but she needs to if she has any chance of healing, right?"

"Christian, I strongly caution you not to push Anastasia to open up. Let her reveal what happened to her, at her own pace. She may never tell you everything. I know you want to help her, but the trauma she went though and how she suffered was so much worst then you probably can imagine. So please do not rush her and just be there when she needs someone to talk to. I also know that finding out your brother was the cause of all her pain has thrown you for a loop as well and with this new information that has come to light.I really we should think about setting up a one on one session to deal with these revelations".

"John, I promise to make an appointment once Ana is more settled."

"Good, I am glad to hear it. Just remember, she will tell you things in her own time, and when she is ready to see a therapist, which I highly recommend, I can give you the names of a few therapists that have experience dealing with trauma like Anastasia's."

"Thank you, John, I would really appreciate that. I am sorry for the early morning phone call, but I just felt so overwhelmed. Her nightmares are so heart wrenching and anything can be a trigger. Right now I just needed a different point of view on the situation."

"Christian, you know I am available anytime. I am glad you realized you needed help dealing with this. You have grown so much in such a brief time, and that makes me feel that you're on the right path to get rid of your self-hatred and self-loathing, and are willing to finally open your heart to love."

"Truthfully, Anastasia is the only girl I have ever loved, and I will be so happy if she loves me back someday. I am going to go because I don't want Ana to wake up alone."

"Christian, remember, I am here day or night."

When we hang up, I realize that, after my talk with Flynn, I have a road map on how to help Ana. I don't feel like I am treading water, and I can finally be the rock and support system Ana needs. As I am about to leave my office to go back to my Ana, I realize I never answered Roz's e-mail so, I open my e-mail application and craft an answer.

 **Roz,**

 **I hate to hear that GEH might lose a big deal that we have worked so hard on. But, at this moment, I cannot, for personal reasons, leave Seattle. I would really like to salvage this East Asia deal since we have so many resources and man hours tight up in it. Is there a video conference call to secure the deal for GEH?  
Christian Grey**

 **CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc**

With my response to Roz done, I head back to the warm embrace of my Ana.


	12. Chapter 12

Shadow Life

Chapter 12

Ana's POV:

I feel the bed shift as Christian leaves the room. When he leaves the room, I feel the ghost invade my mind again. I can hear Jack's voice in my head, laughing at me as I scream in pain. I can feel his hands touching me all over, and I can feel his breath on my neck as he attacks. All I want to do is scream. My eyes fly open, and my heart is beating so fast, and I can't catch my breath. I snap my eyes closed trying to get my breathing under control, but when images of Jack and Jose flash through my mind and in front of my eyes. I open my eyes to get rid of the vile images.

When I open my eyes again, I am in my room at Christian's penthouse and not back in that cramped, dirty shack that was my home for the last six years. For the millionth time since being found by Christian, I wonder if I will ever be able to break the hold Jack Hyde has over me, and live a happy life without endless pain. I know I won't be going back to sleep, so I just lay on my side, on my side of the bed, waiting for Christian to return.

I do not even know how Christian can stand to be around me after everything I told the police the other day, and the fact that I am destroyed by his brother. I can never be clean. I am sure Christian views me as broken and soiled, too broke to love. He was the only reason I had any will to survive on my worst days.

I feel as if I am a burden to him. He does not deserve to take care of a broken girl that he only tolerated because of our families were friends. As these horrible thoughts are going around in my head, I hear Christian open the bedroom door again, and because I do not want to face the pity he probably he feels for me, I figure it is better to fake being asleep then deal with reality.

Christian's POV:

As I reenter Ana's bedroom and climb back on the bed, I reach over to see if she is still sleeping. When I look at her face I can tell she is trying to look like she's asleep, but I can tell that she is not asleep. So, I reach over and touch her shoulder lightly.

"Ana, can you turn over baby? I want to talk to you."

I try and pull her closer to me, but I feel her flinch away from me.

"Ana, baby, what's wrong?"

"I'm not your baby. I am not your anything. I do not need your pity or you feeling sorry for me."

"Ana, where is this all coming from?"

"Christian, I am not your responsibility, I'm really not."

"Ana, again, where is this coming from? You're here because I want you here. I care about you more then you know, but I don't want to overwhelm you."

"Christian, you barely know me. I am not a little girl next door anymore. She died the minute Jack raped her for the first time."

"Ana, I know you have a lot to work through. I just want to support you and help you heal, and find the carefree loving Ana you once were. I know she is still there, buried under all your heartache and pain, and that she wants to come to the surface again."

"But why are you willing to put your life on hold for me? I'm not worth it."

"Ana, you are so worth it, and if I ever hear you say that again about yourself, you will not like what I might do."

I instantly regret my words when I see the horror and pain flash in Ana's eyes.

"Ana, I will not do anything to hurt you ever".

"Then why say you would punish me?"

"I meant that I would correct you and tell you were wrong. You are so worth me helping and so much more, trust me."

I see Ana take in my words and relax, but I still do not touch her. I still let her have her space.

"Christian, I don't know how you can even look at me. I am battered, bruised, and I have scares, so many scars."

"But, Ana, I do not see your battered flesh, bruises, and scares. I see a strong woman underneath, that had the willpower to survive it all every day, and came back to me."

"But can I be loved?"

"Yes, you can, baby. You deserve to be loved, and a whole lot more."

Ana finally turns over to face me, and I see the desperation on her face for my words to be true. So, I take her in my arms, hoping that I can convey my love for her through my embrace.

"Sweetheart, you have so many people that love you. You'll see. When you least expect it, you will find someone that loves you. Trust me, you will."

I feel Ana move in closer to me and I realize she fell asleep on my chest. I realize she is on my chest, and that there is no pain or burning sensation. To me, that meant Ana and I are meant to be. I just need to figure how to tell her she has already found somebody to love her forever, and that person is me. It will always be in me that she'll be able to find endless love and comfort.


	13. Chapter 13

Shadow Life

Chapter 13

Christian's POV:

It has been a month since Ana returned to me, and I couldn't be happier but, I am also worried about her as well, because she is still so scared to even think about leaving Escala. I have been working from home most days, and when I do leave the penthouse to go to Grey House, it is for short trips only. If I am gone longer than an hour, Ana has a panic attack. But, I am also planning a trip to Tokyo because Roz has informed me that the East Asia deal will be unsalvageable without my personal presence in the meetings. So, I must think about Ana traveling with me, because I am not leaving her here in Seattle alone.

I truly understand why she has these panics attacks, I do, because of all the trauma she went through, but at some point, I will need to be able to leave her alone all day to go to the office. I think back to when I brought up maybe having to go to East Asia to fix that deal Roz needed me to salvage. But in good conscience I couldn't pull myself from Ana, I really couldn't.

 _That night, when we were sitting down to dinner, I decided to bring up the possibility of going on the trip. I was nervous to broach the subject of the trip because of Ana's reaction and possible panic attack._

" _Ana, baby, I need to talk to you about something important that has come up."_

 _Ana looks anxiously at me with wide eyes and anticipation. I try and reassure her with a touch on her hand that it is nothing to really worry about, but I can see that she is still nervous._

" _There is a business trip that I need to attend to save a business deal in East Asia. I would not go if the deal was not important to GEH, and was not about to fall through. I wish it could really be avoided but, it cannot."_

 _When I finish speaking I see the panic cloud Ana's face in an instant. Her eyes go wide, and her breathing becomes labored. She stood up from her chair and scrambled away from me, running to her room, she slams the door. I am right behind her by a few steps so when I get to her bedroom door I reach for the knob and twist the door open and, thankfully, she did not lock it in her haste to get away from me. What I am met with when I enter the room is a scared girl rocking back and forth against the wall._

 _I walk further into the room slowly and kneel in front of Ana. I notice she is muttering something to herself. It is so hard to make out because she is talking so softly, I must strain to hear her._

" _Anastasia will be a good girl please don't leave. Anastasia will be a good girl I promise. Do not leave me please. I will do whatever master says, I will be good."_

 _While she is saying this she is barely breathing, and all I can think is, "What did my brother do to my angel when she disobeyed him?" I can see that her breathing is still labored, and I am worried she might pass out soon from lack of oxygen._

" _Baby, can you focus on me? Ana, I'm right here. I am not going anywhere."_

 _She is still not focusing on me._

" _Come on, baby, follow my lead and start breathing in and out. Follow my breathing pattern. Please, baby, focus on me."_

 _When I realize she still cannot, or will not, focus on me, I feel myself begin to get frustrated and I realize, at this point, that I will have to take charge of the situation and bring her back to the present. So, I take her face in my hands._

" _Baby, focus on me."_

" _Anastasia will obey master. Anastasia will be a good girl"_

 _Again, I wonder what my sadistic brother did to my angel. I realize I am not getting anywhere with Ana this way. Being gentle is not working to get through to her. It is then I realize what I must do, and I hate that I must do this. I realize, to get Ana to come back to me, I need to use my dominate persona to get Ana to register that she needs to come back to the present. So, I slip in to my domination mode._

" _Anastasia, stop this right now or you will be punished. Come on, stop this right now. Look at me right now. Anastasia stop this."_

 _I feel so guilty that I must resort to this tactic, but I can't get through to her any other way. I truly need Ana to trust me and love me. I feel like, at this moment, I am breaking the fragile trust we have built. That breaks my heart because I truly would never hurt Ana._

 _I see Ana react to my tone of voice and she curls into herself further._

" _Anastasia, this is not acceptable behavior. You will do as I say."_

 _I must resist the temptation to become any rougher with her because I am not a monster like Jack._

" _Anastasia, that is enough!"_

 _I try and reach out to her but, again, she shifts away from me. So, I decide to try a different tactic because nothing seems to be working. I need to get her out of this loop of regression and painful memories. So, I decide to take matters in my own hands and I move forward toward her, not too quickly but fast enough that I can be in control of the situation. I take Ana is my arms and hold her firmly to my chest, hoping that she can feel the contact and would bring her back to the present. I can feel her body go slack against mine in submission and, for that, I am glad._

 _I decide to still use her full name, but I am no longer in my dominant persona. I can still feel her shaking like a leaf, so I just hold her closer to me, hoping that she can, through her haze, feel my love for her._

" _Anastasia, come on baby it is safe to come back. Nothing is going to hurt you, I promise."_

 _I decide maybe if 1 lay her down and show her that I am not going to hurt her, she will be more willing to come back to the present. I lay us down on the bed and pull her to my chest._

" _Anastasia, follow my voice, it is safe to come back."_

 _I start to rock her back and forth and after a while I feel Ana shift and moan and that's my queue that she is coming out of the panic attack episode. So, without saying a word, I gather her in my arms and bring her into the en-suite bathroom and start the water in the bathtub. As it fills the tub, I pour her favorite lavender bubble bath in the stream, so it foams, and she can relax. These panic attacks do a number on her body and put her through the ringer mentally as well._

 _When the water is ready, I slowly help Ana undress and get her into the tub and I stay in the bathroom because I do not want to leave her alone after an attack for fear of a relapse. After about thirty minutes the water is getting cold, so I help Ana out of the tub and wrap her in a fluffy warm towel and scoop her up in my arms and carry her back to the bedroom. I help her get changed for bed in a soft silk nightgown because it is the easiest thing to wear with her still healing bruises, scars, and other injuries. I tuck Ana into bed and kiss her on the forehead and climb on the other side of the bed, so I can help keep the monsters at bay for Ana, so she can get a restful night's sleep._

I am brought out of my memory by a knock on my office door.

"Come in."

Taylor walks in with a sly smile on his face and a file in his hand, which he places on my desk then takes a seat across from me.

"Sir, I think I have a lock on Hyde and Rodriguez."

"Good! Where are those sons of bitches?"

"They are in a rural farmhouse that was abandoned years ago, outside Wenatchee, Washington."

"So, they never left the state after Ana escaped?"

"No, sir."

"I want you to keep them under surveillance. I will deal with them when we get back from Asia."

"Sir, is that wise with Ana's panic attacks?"

"Taylor, she is coming with me. I cannot leave her here alone with those monsters still on the loose."

Taylor nods and leaves my office and I head to the kitchento seek out Gail. As I enter the kitchen I see her preparing Ana's favorite meal, chicken, rice, and asparagus. I sit down on a barstool. I am still a little apprehensive to take Ana with me on this trip because we are still getting her use to being out of captivity granted she has made great strides with acclimating to everything quickly, but we still have had some setbacks.

Our biggest being Ana hording food in her room. It became an issue when Gail would clean her room and would find food in Ana's room, left over from day prior. Finally, after a few days of this, I had to sit down with Ana and reassure her that she did not need to hoard food. There would always be food around and she did not need to save it. She will always have access to all the food she wants.

Dealing with this issue with Ana brought back memories of my own starvation and hunger as a child, and my insecurities of unworthiness of love. I shake my head to get rid of the memories and clear my throat to get Gail's attention. She looks up and gives me a smile.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Grey?"

"Gail, you have been working with me long enough, I think we can drop the formalities and you can call me Christian."

"Okay, what can I do for you, Christian?"

"Gail, I have a proposal for you. I need to go to East Asia, to Tokyo, for a business trip to salvage a deal for GEH, and I cannot leave Ana here alone with those monsters still roaming free. I need to be able to take Ana with me, but I need to be able to watch over her, too. I can't be with her all the time. I know it's a lot to ask, but would you be willing to come with us to keep Ana company while I am in meetings, and give her a sense of security?"

"Of course, I will go with you. She is a sweet girl and I will do anything to help you both.

"Thank you, Gail."

With that settled I leave the kitchen feeling more at ease about taking Ana on this trip. I head into Ana's bedroom and find her watching Titanic on her iPad that I bought her. I sit down beside her and smile.

"Hey, baby."

She turns to the sound of my voice and she smiles and then turns back to watching her movie, too engrossed in Jack and Rose's love story. I kiss her forehead and leave the room and her to her movie. So, I head to my office to plan a trip neither one of us will ever forget.


	14. Chapter 14

Shadow Life

Chapter 14

Christian's POV:

We have to leave for Tokyo tomorrow morning. I hope to wrap up my business meetings in a timely manner, so I can focus on having a delightful time with Ana. I plan, while I am in meetings, for Gail and Ana to see many of the sites of Tokyo, but I plan to join them whenever I can. I have private tours set up for Gail and Ana at Tokyo Skytree and the Tokyo Imperial Palace. Also, as a fun treat, I have bought out Tokyo Disneyland for the day and night on Saturday.

I really hope Ana will enjoy this surprise. I want her to relax and have fun and be carefree for once in her life. Finally, I have everything planned and I can't wait for Ana to experience Tokyo. I shut down my computer and leave my office and search for Ana. I look down at my watch and realize how late it is in the day.

I left Ana this morning in her bedroom watching Titanic and it's now 5 PM at night. I check her bedroom first but she's not there. My next stop is the living room but she's not there either. Then it hits me where she could be, so I head to the library. When I enter the room, I notice that Ana is curled up on one of the big sofas I have in here, and she is sound asleep with The Secret Garden open on her chest. I look down and smile, glad she found a place she loves and can get lost in for hours and relax. I hate to wake her up because I know how she has been sleeping, but we need to eat dinner. I sit down beside her and rub her back to wake her up.

"Ana, baby, wake up it is time to eat dinner."

She makes a meowing sound like a kitten just waking up from a long nap.

"Come on sleeping beauty, it is your favorite chicken, rice, and asparagus"

"Mmm, I want to sleep."

"Baby, I promise we can go to bed after dinner and cuddle."

Ana finally opens her eyes and she gives me a sleepy smile.

"Come on, let's go eat."

I can see that she is barely awake, so I pick her up gently, and she rests her head on my shoulder as I carry her to the kitchen. As I enter the kitchen, I gently sit her on a barstool and Gail places our dinner in front of us. We eat silently, not needing to say anything. We are both content to just be with each other. As soon as dinner is over, I can see Ana is about to fall asleep in her plate. I pick her up and carry her to her bedroom and quickly change her into a nightgown. I tuck her in, kissing her goodnight. I climb in beside her and pull her towards me. We fall asleep in each other's arms and drift off to dreamland.

The next morning, we are getting ready to leave the penthouse and double checking that we have everything. We get in the SVU with Taylor driving and Gail in the front passenger seat. I watch Ana as this is really the first time we have left Escala in the last month. As we pull onto the Boeing field tarmac, I see Ana's eyes go wide at the size of Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc. jet. I smile when she looks over at me shocked.

"This is all yours?"

"Yes, well, it is a Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc. asset, but I use it whenever I want for business or pleasure. Ana, baby, it's just something I can buy with my money."

"I know. It is just a lot to take in after everything that's happened in the last month."

"I know it is overwhelming, but let's try and enjoy this trip, okay?"

"Sure."

We get out of the SUV and head up the plane stairway. Ana takes her seat while I go check with Steven, our pilot, that we are ready for takeoff. Then I head back and sit beside Ana, getting us buckled in and ready for takeoff. As we taxi down the runway and lift off into the air, I see Ana grab the armrest of her seat, so I take her hand in mine, turn and kiss her cheek. I squeeze her hand in reassurance and look into her eyes so she focuses on nothing but me.

"Take deep breaths, baby, you are okay. I am right here, just relax for me."

Ana smiles at me and squeezes my hand back. Then the sleeping pill she took when we first got on the plane kicks in, and she drifts off to sleep for the remainder of the flight.

We land in Tokyo after a ten-hour flight. Taylor grabs our bags and I pick up Ana, who is still sleeping. I carry her off the plane and to our waiting car. It does not take long to arrive to the hotel. Ana never waking from the effects of the sleeping pill and our long day. So, we go straight to bed for the night, after our long travel day.

The next morning, we get up and get ready to start our day. Me, I'm going to endless boring meetings, while Ana and Gail explore Tokyo. We have breakfast in our suite, alone. Then Gail knocks on the suite door to pick up Ana, and we go our separate ways for the day.

8 Hours Later

I am finally done with the longest business meeting in the history of all business meetings. I cannot believe that I had to cross an ocean, and drag Ana with me, all over a situation that could have been done with a conference call. The meeting was about a benefits package I offer to all the employees of all the companies I purchase. Roz could have dealt with this on her own, and the fact that they would not deal with Roz because she is a woman, is so madding. I understand that we have culture differences, but this trip was a waste of mine and company time and resources. I am so worn out from such a long, pointless meeting and day, that all I want to do is see Ana.

I hope Ana and Gail had a better and fun day then I did today. I have been getting texts from Gail all day to reassure me that Ana is doing fine, and there have been no big problems. There have been a few minor ones that happened when Ana got overwhelmed by the crowds of people, but Gail was able to calm Ana down quickly, and Ana was able and willing to follow Gail's guidance. I am so proud of Ana. She has come so far in such a short amount of time. If it was me dealing with what Ana does on a daily basis, I think I would crumble under the weight of it all. She has not, and, because of that, she amazes me every day.

When I get to the hotel and up to the suite door, I can hear giggling. That makes my heart melt that Ana is so happy and that she had such a wonderful day with Gail. So, when I walk into the suite living room, I decide to have a little fun.

"Honey, I'm home!"

Within a nanosecond I see Ana jump up from the sofa and run full speed and headlong into my arms. All I do is smile and hold her close to me.

"Hey, baby, how was your day?"

Without even taking a breath, Ana launches into everything they did and saw today, how much she loved learning about the history, and seeing the beauty of everything. I just smile at the excitement in her voice, and I am just so glad she had a great day. I can also see the spark of the old Anastasia peeking through. I know we are on the road to recovery and to Ana building a happy and healthy life, hopefully, with me.


	15. Chapter 15

Shadow Life

Chapter 15

 **Author's Note : This chapter is unbetaed. All mistakes are my own.**

Christian's POV Christian's Office at Escala

We arrived home from Tokyo two weeks ago. The rest of the trip was more enjoyable than the business portion. Ana's face when we arrived at Disneyland Tokyo, was priceless.

Sunday morning, we woke up early, so we could enjoy the whole day ahead of us. To keep the surprise special, I did not tell Anna where we were going. So, when we pulled up to Disneyland the look of pure joy on her face was exactly what I wanted.

"We're spending the day here?"

"Yes, baby and the night too. We have the park to ourselves all day so anything you want to do we can do as many times as you like.

We spent the morning going on every ride and I couldn't get over the childlike wonder look that was on Ana face the whole time. When the afternoon sun hit its peak and it became the hotness part of the day we had lunch at Cinderella's castle and after a wonderful lunch, we went to the water park to cool off and just enjoy the peacefulness of the day. As the day starts to end I had arranged for a firework show to cap off the perfect day in a long time. As we watch the fireworks explode over our heads I see Ana's eyes widen in wonder.

"Wow, Christian I cannot believe you would do this for me you really know no bounds, do you?"

"When I come to you Anastasia, no I do not I will do anything to see you happy and carefree."

"Well thank you this has been the best day of my life in a long time."

"Your welcome baby."

The next day we headed back to Seattle with happy memories.

Since we returned, everything has been smooth sailing for the most part. Ana is doing her best to heal and be happy. Even though Ana has not brought it up I know she misses parents I mean who would not after being taken from them for so many years, but I have been putting off the topic because I do not want to upset her or set back her recovery.

But I think it is a topic we need to discuss, I am also afraid Carla and Ray my reject Ana after all these years that were stolen from them because of my sick brother, I am also afraid that when Carla and Ray find out that Ana was taken by someone connected to me and that person is my brother they will blame me and convince Ana to leave me. But if they do end up rejecting Ana I am afraid Ana will be shattered and there will be no putting the pieces back together.

I am also afraid that when they do find out Ana is safe and alive that they will try everything in their power to take her away from me and away from Seattle. I know Ana would not deal with the separation well if at all because she has come to rely on me over the last few months for almost everything and she cannot sleep at night without me beside her, and I do not want to shake up the foundation we have built with each other.

I know it is not a good thing that Ana is so co-dependent on me, and I'm sure Dr. Flynn would have something to say about it if I cared to ask for his opinion, but I know at some point she will need to learn to rely less on me, but I am in no rush for that to happen because she can always rely on me to support her forever in any capacity as far as I am concerned. I truly want to tell Ray and Carla that their daughter is alive, but she is so broken that they will probably never be the family they once were. I do not want to make this decision on my own and hurt Ana with a horrible outcome. I decide before I make any calls to her family I need to talk to Ana about what she wants to do and what her feeling is on the whole thing. If there is any chance she is not ready to see her mom and dad, yet I would not push the topic any further, but it is something we need to talk about and deal with in the near future.

Ana is still so unsure about everything, but every day I see her get stronger and more self-confident is slowly starting to rebuild a little each day. I just wish Ana could see how much I truly care about and love her. I know she thinks that I am only helping her because of our family's histories. I also know she thinks I am also doing this out of guilt because it was because of me that Jack targeted her. But the truth is Anastasia has always been the missing key to unlock my heart. When I realized that she was missing and had not run away but was kidnapped my heart became walled off in that instant and that is how I found BDSM because I needed something to channel my anger and sadness and hurt into. I want to tell her how I really feel but I am so scared she would not feel the same way and I could not handle that kind of rejection, but I am running out of time because the moment we tell Ray and Carla Ana is alive I may lose her forever.


	16. Authors Note 2-26-18

Author Note Shadow Life

Hello Reader,

Hello Readers, as of 2/26/18 Shadow Life will be put on hold while I rework/rewrite my story, Thank you for supporting my story and giving me a chance to share it! I hope you guys will enjoy it when I begin to repost it! Thank you!'


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